I thought I would use today, marking the anniversary of my father’s death, as a time to tell the story of why Veteran’s Puppy for Life and treating with acupuncture at Step Denver are important to me. 

When my father passed I wrote about the ripple effect that his life had on mine for his memorial service. I think sometimes we sit and wonder, “Why am I doing this? Does it even matter? What’s the point?” I can reflect on my (old) opinion of and the experiences of my father’s life and on the surface there just doesn’t appear to be much of any, what would be perceived, as significance to his contributions. That may sound harsh and I don’t mean it to be. My perspective did change when he passed. 

I don’t know a lot about my father’s childhood and what I do know is second hand information. I know his mom, my grandmother, was an alcoholic and, I heard, not the best parent, bordering on abusive to him. He joined the air force, was a Vietnam Vet, and was honorably discharged. He never really talked about his childhood experiences or of being in the military. He did have a lot of nightmares toward the end of his life though, which centered around his time in the military.

My dad was an alcoholic and struggled through most of his adult life with PTSD, depression, anxiety and pride (ego) problems. As I grew up and got toward my pre-teen and teenage years I had a lot of anger towards my dad. A lot of that lasted through adulthood as well, even though he quit drinking cold turkey when I was 13(ish). I did always have a relationship with him, even if it wasn’t the best. One thing that he consciously did was being a wonderful grandpa to my daughter. I often thought that he tried to make up for where he lacked with my sister and I through her. 

All of the serious relationships I have had with men since I was a teenager were with men who had an addiction issue of some kind or another. The first relationship being in my teenage years with someone who was also very abusive. This left me with PTSD, which I didn’t recognize or know until many years later. That experience for me, along with my dad being an alcoholic, was damaging to me for a long time. I feel that I’m very fortunate to have had some people in my life that influenced me in a positive way because I very easily could’ve gone down the path of addiction to substances myself. I also had always told myself that I wouldn’t be like my father, at least in that respect, so I often put myself in check. 

My adult relationship with my dad was always a bit strained. I wasn’t the nicest person to him. He irritated me often and I was often too busy to bother with him. When he quit drinking he didn’t do a lot to rebuild his life. He didn’t have a lot of friends and his energy was focused on my sister and I the majority of the time…and we were grown. When my dad had cancer and was going through his therapy my sister did most of the caretaking. I would come take him some of the time and I’d talk to him, but again, it was usually rushed and with disdain on my end. That changed some as we moved toward the end of his life. I don’t know if I was just stuck in my child brain and felt like my dad was abandoning me again, even if it was because he was sick and not for a selfish reason, but how I showed up for him wasn’t the best. 

On July 31st, 2010 my dad passed. I was at work when I got the call and my sister was out of town. He hadn’t been doing the best and we knew that. I don’t know if he even knew or not but he was alone. I always felt pretty crappy about that. Through the days and weeks after his passing I spent some time reflecting about everything. We learn a lot when someone dies, especially someone close that we had a lot of strain with. 

One thing I learned or reflected upon was the ripple effect that my dad had. People he worked with always adored him and loved being around him. He had a good heart and he did little things for people a lot. Through having my sister and I and us learning things that we did from him we have both done some good things in life and made a positive impact. Without him in my life experiences I wouldn’t be able to do that. 

One of the other things that I learned that has stuck with me over the years is that my dad just wanted to feel acknowledged, cared about, and loved. I can think of certain times throughout his cancer and think of how he was. In those moments he that’s all he wanted. I wasn’t able to do that for him, which is something I will never be able to change. To be honest I can’t even imagine how that made him feel. Sometimes we just get stuck and stay there for far too long. Sometimes I still feel ashamed about it, even knowing that I did the best I could with what I had and what I knew at the time. 

A couple of years after his passing I decided to take the plunge and do something I had wanted to do for many years. That something was being becoming an acupuncturist. I went through school, graduated, went to China, finished my boards, got my license, and started my practice. YAY! 

My daughter’s father had gone through the program at Step Denver and offered to introduce me to the director of programs at the time so that I could talk to him about doing acupuncture there. I’ll forever be thankful for that introduction. I enjoy being there, introducing the guys to acupuncture, and helping them feel better while they’re going through all of the things they are to make a better life for themselves and their families. 

After I graduated I joined a networking group called 4BR and that’s where I met the founder of Veteran’s Puppy for Life organization. We got to know each other and this past January he asked if I would be interested in becoming a board member for the organization. I thought about it and love what the organization does so while I didn’t really know how to be a board member and am still learning I decided to do it. 

I am forever grateful that I get to be a part of both of these wonderful organizations. I don’t know if it would’ve happened if I hadn’t gone through what I went through with my dad (and some other things). The impact that they have on the lives they touch in immeasurable and I’m happy to be able to contribute, even if it’s only a small amount. I get to give back now and hopefully make a little bit of difference for some. 

I might not have been able to show my dad the compassion and empathy he deserved. I can do those things now for other people and through these experiences I know that all that happened and we went through will not be lost. I learned many things from my dad and his passing. Those things have helped me to be a better person, gave me wisdom beyond my years, and have had and will continue to have a ripple effect in the world.